Tonight I Sit Here.

I wrote this last night at my desk, thinking back on things.

Tonight I sit here. I sit and look to the past, so I never forget the wonderful times we had. I know we will have even more memories in the future, when I return... But it is important that I remember the past. It's time for me to turn around and gaze down memory lane. So I can record those precious moments and save them. The friends I made. Our crazy ideas, our strange adventures. The lessons we taught each other. The discussions we had, the words we took to heart... The jokes we told, the laughs we shared.These things are very important to me, especially my friends. I know it seems silly-- I'm not dying, or moving to a faraway place. And, well, maybe it is silly. But that's fine with me, you know? Gaze down memory lane with me...

Tonight I sit here. I sit and once again remember the walks to Holiday with Cha. When the wind would blow strong, and our hair would look ridiculous-- Mine was long then, too... Freezing to death on the walks in winter because I was too damn stubborn to put on a jacket. Yelling at each other to slow down, or to speed up. Pictures together. New Asia on finals day. Letting all our worries out. I sit and remember walking down those tall stairs with the sun in my eyes, pushing people out of my way to get down for that hug. And you were waiting. Keep waiting, okay, Cha?

Tonight I sit here. I sit and remember the times I've shared with Mai Xiong. The talks we've had, her crazy outbursts. Her confidence in herself, and in me. I remember her childhood good luck charm, that little piece of horn that I thought was so cool. Trying to figure out what "GPOV" stands for. Mai Xiong growing and maturing as a person. Her helping me grow and mature as a person. So many discussions and memories that I can't list them all. Talking about what pisses us off so bad and telling each other to "just calm down". We'll stay calm, right?

Tonight I sit here. I sit and remember Voe, Sandy, and Shoes. Our advisory crew. I remember "basketsballs", and drawing "Central Fighter". Shoes handing my ass to me in Yu-Gi-Oh. The advice me and Voe shared, "because we're friends and friends stand by each other, even if they're annoying". I remember drawing crazy awesome shit. Making fun of people on the news. I remember Ronal' Lomax, G', and big Ge. Ronald being too ghetto for his own good and being hilariously racist. Nerdy Street Fighter and Falcon Punch jokes. And that Boondocks thing. I'll be back, advisory. Don't call me gay, aight Ronald?

Tonight I sit here. I sit and remember my teachers. Maybe I didn't get the best grades. Maybe I didn't always pay attention. But they all taught me things. Things about science, english, and history... but more importantly, about life. Ms. Peifer and Ms. King believed in me 100%, even when I was leaving. I am so grateful. I remember Ms. Peifer helping me and Cha get that food. Ms. Peifer's janky microwave. TA-ing for her was a blast, even though I was mostly just a pain in the ass. Ms. S., thanks for always letting me stay after school even though I'd just sit there. I remember when me and Wendy just sat and washed beakers together that one day. It wasn't even that big of a deal and yet it sticks in my mind. I remember getting yelled at and kicked out by Ms. Fairchild all those times. Thanks for showing me I can't just get away with everything in life. I remember summer school with Brigger and Jordahl. They let me show myself I was really capable of working in school. Thanks. Mister Stepan, and how we "almost got shivved" during that racial argument in class. "Imagine me as a fiery black woman...", you once said. Thanks for making me enjoy that English class for a while. Getting yelled at in Chinese. Vowing to come back and show Huang Laoshi I'm not as lazy as I was before. I still hate Old Man Schluke, okay?

Tonight I sit here. I sit here and remember the lunch table. Jim. Tonny. May. Sally. Bao. Keng. Galistair. I remember mornings in that corner at the lockers. Making fun of the ghetto "kejdub", and the "kedge dubb giant". "It's my ___ in a box". I remember calling Jeff a pussy-whipped fag. Meeting Sally, and then Keng creeping her out. "Centra Quest", and how I'll finish it when we're 80 years old. May saying "what?" I really miss that one. I miss May not knowing what's going on. Being told I look like Bobby Lee by everyone and anyone. "Uh oh, hot dog". Tonny the single man and his girl advice. The ghetto Hmong people seat-jacking us at lunch. Abusive Ayla. Not getting bought at the auction even after all the signs! Rarely actually eating lunch. Dragging Jim with when I did. Fucking with Freeberg and him being a dick. Maria and Saray spontaneously making out at lunch. Yu-Gi-Oh at lunch and after school. Save my spot, yeah?

Tonight I sit here. I sit here and remember my daughter, Villai. Worrying about her. Watching over her in that "smoker phase". Telling her to stay away from boys. Coming to think of her as a real daughter to me, and someone I can tell anything. Being lovably abusive? Finding her a mother...hah! Toumong being a retarded cat. Meowing at him. Science class in general. Crazy black kids. Wanting ear plugs because of Vy. Growing to tolerate Vy and actually liking how loud she was. Eating my New Asia when Ms. S. told me not to. Dara in the back of class not giving a fuck. Stay away from boys for Daddy, okay Villai?

Tonight I sit here. I sit here and remember that girl. I remember how she told me "I know you can do it". How she made me believe in myself with that. Her being so exhausted from the stairs. Explaining the Chinese stuff when I was even more clueless than usual. How hard she worked. Her smile. Mai Xiong thinking it was weird I liked the girl, and how Mai will call me creepy for writing this part. Promising myself to return a better man for her. I'll do it, alright?!

Tonight I sit here. I sit here and wipe away the tears. They aren't tears of sorrow, or ones of joy. It's strange, I haven't felt this way before. I think that they are the tears of my memories. Memories I'll cherish. Memories I hope we will all cherish. I won't forget. I'll remember. But I won't dwell in the past. I gotta keep moving forward. You guys won't forget either... right?

"Don't walk down memory lane. Simply turn around and look back at it, then keep walking forward."-The Thinker, aka Kevin Seul

The New Kid & The Stairs

Well, today was the first day of the school year, and my first day at Avalon. A difficult day for me, mentally. Regardless, I shall push onward and strive to complete the goals I have set myself.

Allow me to describe how odd and bizarre this place is, and how my day went... I'll start by describing the building itself. The inside seems like an old office building. Walking in there, you feel like some small business firm went bankrupt and the school just bought the building, removed the cubicles, and put in school tables. The whole building smells like an art class. Like, that smell of paints and clays and stuff? Weeiiiird.

Well, it's one of those schools where the teachers all go by first name. So I just don't use names because that's weird. It's pretty easy to text and stuff. It's weird project based work, where you log hours and a certain amount of hours is credits? I dunno how it works exactly.

It seems like a good 60-70% of the students are stoners. There's an alright looking white girl I talked to today, and she was one too. But I guess that's aight because like, most of them are at this place.

I do miss Central, a lot. So, Cha? I know you'll be reading this at some point. You be waiting at the bottom of those stairs. I'm not able to walk down em, but I'll be sure to give you a text at 2:03, that's about when you get there. :]

-TheThinker